"My wife and I were trying to get pregnant for two and a half years. We tried everything, including fertility drugs. When we were just about to give up, we went off the fertility drugs and I grew out this bad boy. Less than a month later, we got pregnant with twins!"

Be good to the beard, it will be good to you!

"I was unable to attract women due to my horrible redundant head growing on my chin, but thanks to this beard, it's weeks before they catch on!"

How truly omnisome (totally awesome) beards are!

(before)

(after)

"I used to be a complete no-name dork. Then I grew a beard. Now I am recognized everywhere I go! Having a beard is the most awesome thing I've ever done."

We can't FORCE you to have a beard, but if you grow one, you'll be more powerful than you can ever imagine.

"I used to have cancer, acne, and a speech impediment. But now that I'm growing out my beard, I can appreciate life again!"

And you know he's serious, because acne is nothing to joke about.

"I was devistated when I was diagnosed with Polio. Days after being diagnosed, I grew just a goatee and was miraculously cured."

Facial hair grows faster than penicillin, my friends. If he would have grown the full beard, polio would no longer be a problem today.